Framework
The only constant in life is that life is not constant. Against a backdrop of unpredictability, I aim to be predictable about how I choose to respond to that unpredictability. This means creating a framework made up of the important aspects of my life.
Essentially, this framework is a set of decisions. It’s how I decide to respond to life’s threats and opportunities. It’s sorta like a mission statement, vision mechanism, goal chart and personal purpose plan, all in one.
The world can make us feel pretty powerless sometimes, like a leaf in the breeze. It helps me to think of my framework as a cube structure made of reinforced steel bars. As the crazy winds of circumstance buffet me from side to side, I can hold on to the bars of this structure. There is enough tensile strength in these bars to withstand anything. As my friend Louis pointed out, it’s a ‘roll-cage for life’.
I’ve defined my framework into twelve elements - made up of a bottom foundation, four side pillars and the top four poles that close off the cube.
I’ve called the foundation bars the Grounding elements. The side pillars, I named my Growth elements. The top poles I have called my Greatness elements, the aspects of existence that will determine a sense of self-actualisation. Perhaps the top bits should have been called ‘Self-Actualise’, but three Gs make it easier to remember. Also, I’m an alliteration junkie.
These elements are all my choices. No person or circumstance can ever take them away from me. I’ve found that, in a world where so much is out of my control, much of my current strength comes from knowing where I stand.
I believe that having a strong framework goes a long way in withstanding the hardships we inevitably face. It also prepares us for opportunities when they come. After writing it all down I then regularly revisit these choices. This process has provided me with strength and peace of mind.
This is what the first version of my framework looked like:
It has since expanded into whole journals of writing, but the above diagram was the start of a very intentional and helpful journey. When I first did it, I drew 12 boxes with 12 questions.
Grounding:
Identity - What do I stand for?
Marriage - Who do I want to be as a partner? What does a marriage-relationship look like?
Family - How will I behave to my family?
Friends - How will I give energy to my friends?
Growth:
Work - What is my calling?
Wellness - What will give me physical, spiritual and mental wellbeing?
Discipline - What are the habits, rhythms and routines that will enlarge me?
Learning - What knowledge or skills do I want to learn that will help me grow?
Greatness (or, self-actualisation):
Goals - What are my small, medium and big hairy audacious goals?
Adventure - What must I do to push my comfort zone?
Service - Who do I want to serve?
Creativity - What will stimulate me creatively?
As you can see by my boxes above, the answers to these questions reveal a long journey ahead. However, this process is rewiring my personality in a positive way. It’s given me agency and purpose. Being intentional about the answers to these questions has changed my outlook for the better.
I hope this is useful to anyone reading this post. If you choose to use these framework questions, let me know if it helps you. I started making these choices during a particularly challenging period. It was a dark season in 2015-2016. I felt like my identity had been stripped away. Every day I was fighting gravity and life was dragging me downwards.
Going through the framework process saved me. I was able to respond to what seemed like an impossible situation, filled with anxiety and sadness, by leaning into hard questions.
Living is not easy. Sometimes it renders us helpless, breathless, stripped of power. However, the one thing that can never be stripped away from us is the ability to choose how we respond.
The choices we make define us. Some smart person (it may have been Jean-Paul Sartre) once said “Life is the C between B and D!” In other words, life is the choices you make between birth and death.
